64 posts tagged “things”

yays:

• I received free pizza (and salad) delivered to my door last night for being a "super customer" - which undoubtedly means I've spent something like $1,000 on pizza from Pagliacci since I've lived here. But anyway. Free pizza!
• Coming to terms with my doubts about this business venture I'm undertaking. Not getting over them, but honestly dealing with them.
• Although I did not get immediate contract work, it is clear that I've still "got it" and the work is starting to flow again, which means I may be able to sustain my urban bachelor(ette) standard of living and not move to a goat farm in sweden. Maybe.
• Dark (almost black) hair again for the seasonal hair shift.
• Last week: Barbara Ehrenreich and Rachel Grimes on consecutive nights.
• Fasting today means not having to deal with food prep.
  
• Workouts at homebody's secret gym! (It's not really secret, it is in her condo building, but compared to 24-hr fitness, it's secret).
• Reading Bend Sinister by Nabokov for the first time. Poetic absurdism? It's wonderous.
• The magic of Xanax.

• M-F-ing UTI.... again. Cranberries are my friends.
• Really don't feel like doing much of anything, so I'm spending too much time just sort of treading water.
• Defaulting on a couple of credit cards. Not really my idea.
• The idea of "work" for money still makes me feel a little filthy.
• I'm never going to lose weight at this rate. Step up my game? Or buy new pants?
  

keeping it neutral this time:

• Monday I finally made it to what is now weekly Anagram night with Marie the 91 year old French woman. I've been once before and plan to make it a regular thing. She is half-blind and a little senile, but she still has a better English vocabulary than I do. She lives in a retirement community type thing and complains often about how quiet and devoid of life it is in the halls.
• Finishing up website for The Business, which I can now tell you more about. I will save it for another post. My partner is out of town for a week, but when she gets back we start the dreaded legwork of getting business.
• To celebrate finishing the website we were going to go see the Wyeth painting at SAM, but they are closed Tuesdays so we had drinks at the 4 Seasons instead. I'd never been there... It is located where the parking garage I used to park in for shows at the Showbox was, last I checked. I have a museum pass so I will go see the exhibit this week before it goes away.
• I moved my dresser into my living room. My bedroom is teeny and has always felt crowded, so why not put the large piece of furniture in the big room. I like the new arrangement, though it means the bird now has to watch me get dressed.
  
• The happy hour food at the 4 Seasons has given me the worst heartburn ever. I was up and down all night, stuffing myself with Tums.
• Tonight I'm going to try to see Margaret Atwood read at Town Hall, and then I signed up to help out with the VIP after-party for a Where the Wild Things Are screening to benefit 826 Seattle. I'll be pouring wine for Dave Eggers.
• I've been enjoying my weekly volunteerism at 826 Seattle. I do web updates for them. Decided to stick with this for now and maybe do tutoring once the business is more settled and making money.
• I'm starting to consider moving to a 2-br apartment with a roommate. I like living alone, but besides saving me rent money I think having someone else around might make me feel a bit less isolated and a bit more motivated to wash dishes, etc. I'm sort of waiting for my income to become more predictable to decide for real. But that may not happen anytime soon, so maybe I should just start looking... Oh, change, how I want to resist you.
• I need to schedule my GRE. Sort of reluctant to hand over $150 I don't have so I can have the privilege of taking a standardized test, but I do want to go to grad school, so it must be done. Feh.
• I received my Emergency Unemployment Compensation, so I should be "ok" for another 5 months anyway. I hope to have real income by then, but if I don't there's still a state extension available.
  
• I wonder how the financial aid for grad school will work out. If I can't get the whole ball of wax covered by grants and loans it is pretty much off unless I am making a lot of money by this time next year. One can always hope, I guess.
• This week I think I may be chronically single. I'm pretty sure that's actually a good thing.
• Looks like I'll be going to Idaho for xmas with aunt rosie. Haven't spent a holiday over there for a few years.
  

designated positive

• beautiful fall days, golden evenings
• aromatherapeutic salt scrub
• sleep
• halfway through 30 days of teetotaling
• getting some reading done
• planning a birthday "juicer" for november
• monday night anagrams
• the sounds of kids playing at the school a block away
• fixed itunes library
• living without spending
• saw odd performance/ movement/ music/ film thing with homebody on friday - a nice change of pace
• 2 friends of mine have started seeing each other, which is good yet odd (knowing both parties in a new couple can be a bit involved)
  

• waiting for unemployment extension to arrive
• behind on rent
• too tired to get much done
• constant anxiety
• feelings of hopelessness nipping at my heels
• too much tv for distraction
• judging myself
• my eyes hurt
  

Well,

1. The weather has been absolutely perfect. Two days of torrential rain and now cool & sunny. Perfect.
2. Letting myself sleep in. Ultimately I want to be getting up before 7. But for the moment 10:30 is ok.
3. MI-5. A TV show compelling enough to capture my attention and keep my mind from wandering.
4. I have some yummy meals planned for myself this week: acorn squash stuffed w/ italian sausage, quinoa, kale; mediterranean eggplant with feta & polenta; a big juicy steak
5. Getting back into running. This is my favorite time of year for it.
6. Yesterday I did a pseudo-fast (only water, tea, and veg juice all day), which always gives me more energy. Maybe I'll do this once a week?
   
7. Taking this week mostly off. My business partner is house-sitting, and I'm feeling under the weather, so I'm just laying low and allowing myself to be totally unproductive for once.
   
8. Preparing for the GRE gives me something useful to focus on that is not quite as daunting as my other projects.
9. I seem to be over the worst of the anti-depressant withdrawal period. 
10. As of yesterday, I will not be drinking alcohol until October 8. I've decided to take two 30 day breaks per year as part of my moderation scheme.
11. Taking some time for myself, by myself.
12. Almost to page 700 in Infinite Jest. Aiming to finish this month...
13. Hot bath every day!
14. I heart tea.

Unwell.

1. I feel off. Cold? Allergies? H1N1? Lingering hangover? Med withdrawals? Anyway, I'm trying to sleep it off.
2. My financial situation is frankly scary. I have used every bit of what tiny "safety net" I had, and I am currently depending on the generosity of the state to keep me alive until I'm "back on my feet." It is not a good feeling to know that at some point this subsistence money will stop and I don't even have room on a credit card to buy groceries. I grew up living on state assistance and food stamps and I am deeply afraid of going back there, even if there's every reason to think I will be making money for myself again before long. *shudder*
3. My floors need a real cleansing, and I just don't feel motivated. It's come to the point that it's too gross to go barefoot.
4. The feeling that I need to stop drinking for my own well being. It makes me feel like a loser, even though I realize this self awareness and ability to stop mean I'm really not out of control.
5. The need to distract myself from my own trains of thought. Time to renew my pursuit of mindfulness and meditation.
6. I would prefer to hide in my cave for the foreseeable future, but I know that's not realistic or healthy.
7. I would not want to date me. This means that if I date anyone else I will be looking for someone who "puts up with" my state, rather than someone who admires me. And that will never make for a good relationship. So I think it might be a "while" before I'm on solid enough ground to be boyfriendable again. And by that time I may be so used to being alone that I won't be able to make those connections anymore. Irrational, I know.
   

:-)

1. It finally rained, after like 2 months. We are amphibious in the Pacific NW. We get cranky when dried out. Or at least I do.
2. So far, so good on the new exercise regimen. I just have to keep at it until it "sticks" (there comes a point when it feels like more of a burden not to exercise... that's where I am aiming for, again).
3. The miraculously fast replacement of my debit card means I don't have to trek across town to get cash. Spending isn't really "on" right now anyway, but I do need to pick up some meds & stuff.
4. My mom was so pleased with the Eco Bella lipstick I sent her for her birthday that she called and thanked me for 5 minutes straight. She really really enjoys a new tube of lipstick. A trait we share.
5. I have set up my stereo inside my coffee table, so I can operate it without leaving the couch. Leaving the couch is bad.
6. Provided no one else dies or has a birthday, my biz partner and myself are back in town for the foreseeable future & may actually get this business launched in the next 45 days sometime.
   
7. I have a schedule for eating and exercising, so I don't have to decide anything.
8. I finally found my checks. I've been looking for them for months, and I swear  I looked in the box labeled "checks"... but there they were. Gremlins.
9. No alcohol on weekday evenings means several extra hours to be "productive".
10. I am cashing out an IRA that was originally a 401K entirely funded by my employer in 2000. Therefore, it's like free money, kinda. It's not much, but it will cover rent.
    
11. Gorgeous little bud vase gift from friends just back from San Diego. I love little unexpected whatsits.
12. Recovering from the hot spell, finally. Heat makes me absolutely miserable. It's like having an ambient flu.

:-(

1. I have too many projects, and my time seem tragically fragmented.
2. Eating at home everyday means way more dishes to wash than I find reasonable.
3. New living room arrangement cramps my yoga space a bit.
4. The footage of lunacy at town hall meetings over healthcare reform is bumming me out. Mostly because these people are yelling about things that are patently untrue. At least complain about the real content of the bill, if you're going to complain.
   
5. It's time to clean the floors again. I don't have time to clean floors this week.
6. I keep hitting little technical walls in developing our website. I am not a developer, but I limp along...
7. There's a possibility I will have to find a short-term job to cover my arse. I hate even the thought of whoring myself out again (um, not literally).
8. I had a coffee this afternoon. I may never get to sleep tonight (but here I am predicting the future... maybe it'll be fine).
9. There's something missing.
   

OOH LA LA!

• Perfect, absolutely perfect weather.
• Bizarre dreams make sleep less boring.
• Action! Lists!
• Clean floors, mostly.
• Salad week is upon us.
• Back to pizza and vodka next week. Woot.
• Not feeling desperate or fearful about anything.
• Being OK with my singularity.
• I no longer have to worry about Michael Jackson. Not that I did. But he was a bit alarming.
• Almost to page 600 of Infinite Jest. It's not infinite after all.

• Negotiating my own self-image vis a vis "dating" and wondering if it's actually beneficial to me in any way. Dating that is.
  
• The pointless complexity of receiving packages from UPS in a secure building.
• Doing yoga less than 4 hours after gorging on ethiopian food can be uncomfortable.
• Procrastination, indecision, and avoidance.
• Figuring out how to "monetize."
  

Ah, the things.

The happy things:

• Feeling better than I have in ages from eating healthy food and avoiding most of the things I normally eat for over 2 weeks. I hope I'm not intolerant to wheat or something. That would be difficult. Meanwhile, so much energy!
• Doing yoga nearly daily feels very good.
• I actually got out for a jog/trot on Sunday. For the first time in ages.
• I like all the herbal teas I get to drink.
• I can wake up without coffee now.
• I got a Flip Ultra for my trip to Idaho next month, so I can record my family visit and interview my family for my memoir.
• Tomorrow doing a laid-back video shoot with a 3-person crew.
• Popcorn. One of the few snacks I can have, and I'd forgotten how good it is when it's not drenched with chemicals.
• Going off of anti-depressants. I'm down to about a third of what I was taking a month ago, and so far feeling great.
• Yin Yoga. Pulling the bones apart. Feels sooo good, and hurts so much!
• Organizing to-do lists. Helps me actually do them.
• Satisfied with my single-ness.
• Alain de Botton talk last week was brilliant, and kind of helped put the whole "work" thing in perspective.
• Going to see "The Boss of You" authors speak tomorrow night. Excellent book for beginning entrepreneurs.
  

• Where is my money?
• Going off antidepressants means being vigilant about exercise, diet, supplements, meditation... which is good, really, but can feel tedious and stressful at times.
• The business plan is now officially taking too long. Meh.
• I think I might have to take a short term job after my trip to Idaho, if we don't score some sponsorship.
• I'm getting bored with healthy food. And lack of alcohol. A nice cocktail on a patio somewhere would be so perfect.
• I'm missing PJ Harvey tonight. Can't afford it.
• Doing another video shoot on the weekend. Working on weekends throws me off.
• I have not lost any weight on this diet. That's not the point, but it would be nice.
  

I'm not sure why. Possibly the hours and hours I have spent doing research... and eating donuts. Top Pot has become our "office" due to a conflagration of internet/ seating issues in our apartments. So, yeah, fried sugary things and staring at a screen. Pretty much melted my brainmeats.

And I have become weirdly obsessed with Dr. Who. The new one. David Tennant. I have a big nerd-crush, and I can't stop watching the show! Sadly, I just finished watching the most recent season last night, and now I have to wait until next year for new episodes. Woe.

The wine-guzzling probably increases the tiredness too. And I plan to do more of that tonight and tomorrow. Tonight: Lily's birthday at Cafe Presse. I am already hungry. All I had for lunch was spicy vegetable juice. I want frites! and baguettes! and duck! and creme brulee! Tomorrow: my biz partner invited me to dinner at my favorite Greek restaurant with a couple of successful writer types and their amusing boyfriends. Meeting new people! Yay! More wine!

This weekend I also plan to start learning Shiva Nata (google it or check out Havi's site: http://shivanata.com/). This should be interesting as I am hopelessly uncoordinated. But I guess that's a good thing, because it makes my brain work harder. All this practice....

bleh:

• tired-ish, pms-y
• troubled digestion
• not especially in the mood to go to renton for an esl class this afternoon
• I need a better financial plan
  
• how does my house get so cluttery? It appears I'm much busier that I really am
• feeling hermit-y
• I am going to have to restrict my sushi intake
  
• packaging
• the internet is annoying

• gorgeous stormy rainy spring weather
• books! I'll write some short reviews soon
• finally, a proper purse
• not working til afternoon today means I had time for yoga
• good sleep
• putting things in file folders
• getting a new stovetop espresso maker. can't crack that.
• moving forward
  

Rather than the old love/ loathe agenda, here are a few things that always make me feel better no matter how awful I feel:

1. Yoga
2. A big glass of water
3. Lying still with my eyes closed and being quiet
4. A walk
5. Drawing/ painting/ making collages
6. Journal writing
7. Meditation (seriously, even if I feel anxious while I'm meditating, I feel MUCH better afterward)
8. A road trip
9. Reading a good novel
10. A hot bath
11. Taking my vitamins
12. Jumping up and down
13. Playing with my camera
14. Massaging my temples
15. Breathing deeply
    
16. Making a list
17. Meeting new people (although it also slightly terrifies me - it usually lifts my mood)
18. Doing something that I have been procrastinating
19. Writing down answers to the things that seem unanswerable
20. De-cluttering
21. A massage
22. Organizing something
23. Getting rid of stuff/ eliminating junk
24. A facial mask
25. A foot massage
26. Sitting in a cafe, people watching
27. A workout
28. Washing my dishes
29. Changing my sheets
30. A light, healthy, delicious meal
31. Making a decision
32. Giving myself a pep-talk
33. Focusing on one thing at a time
34. Getting a good night of sleep
35. Looking at art or design that I love
36. Learning something new
37. Going out in the woods or to the beach