9 posts tagged “stuff”

I'm not sure why. Possibly the hours and hours I have spent doing research... and eating donuts. Top Pot has become our "office" due to a conflagration of internet/ seating issues in our apartments. So, yeah, fried sugary things and staring at a screen. Pretty much melted my brainmeats.

And I have become weirdly obsessed with Dr. Who. The new one. David Tennant. I have a big nerd-crush, and I can't stop watching the show! Sadly, I just finished watching the most recent season last night, and now I have to wait until next year for new episodes. Woe.

The wine-guzzling probably increases the tiredness too. And I plan to do more of that tonight and tomorrow. Tonight: Lily's birthday at Cafe Presse. I am already hungry. All I had for lunch was spicy vegetable juice. I want frites! and baguettes! and duck! and creme brulee! Tomorrow: my biz partner invited me to dinner at my favorite Greek restaurant with a couple of successful writer types and their amusing boyfriends. Meeting new people! Yay! More wine!

This weekend I also plan to start learning Shiva Nata (google it or check out Havi's site: http://shivanata.com/). This should be interesting as I am hopelessly uncoordinated. But I guess that's a good thing, because it makes my brain work harder. All this practice....

I'm dragging a bit. This week I've been sick and I got a lot of writing done but almost never left the house. I am far too comfortable in my own company. This week, though, I need to get some forward momentum going. Tomorrow I have a meeting with our client at the Catholic Archdiocese, which is a bit weird, granted, but it's all about immigration reform. In the afternoon I have an eye exam and will buy new glasses because I have vision coverage through Tuesday and will not likely have it again anytime soon.

Tuesday two grant applications are due and I'm having coffee with my former boss. Thursday my business partner has a gallery opening - her art is in a group show. Apart from that I am starting to practice daily meditation to help reduce anxiety and keep me focused. I seriously need to start getting exercise again - I took the whole week off and now feel like a jello creature.

So, now I'm off for a long walk in the sun with my camera, capped off by some sushi and an evening getting myself together for the week and taking a nice hot bath.

These things are mostly undeniable, no matter how much I wish to deny them:

1. Getting up early and working out will do me a world of good
2. Wine is only healthy in moderation, and it has calories
3. Yes, starting my own business means working, every day. Starting now.
4. This book ain't gonna write itself. It is going to take time, and considerable energy (and by "this book" I mean any one of the four I have started, but mostly the memoir)
5. Money can have a big impact on intimate relationships
6. Perhaps trying to maintain 3 blogs is too ambitious right now
7. Becoming a published writer means that eventually I will have to send out queries & submissions
8. Writing all weekend is awesome, but it means that I get nothing else done
9. In order to get up early enough I need to go to bed now, though I'm not tired
   

I didn't dust.
I didn't clean my blinds
I didn't empty out ALL of my kitchen cabinets (I have a reason for this one)
I didn't work on my memoir
I didn't refrain from spending
I didn't stay withing my daily calorie budget
I didn't exercise
I didn't go to the thing at the Henry I had planned to go to on Friday

However,

I did watch Blood Diamond and The End of Violence, both of which I liked
I cleaned and organized the rolling cart in my kitchen, and half of the cupboards
I killed a bunch of roaches
I built a storage box
Someone else built a wine rack for me
I made three excellent dinners
I had brunch with aunt rosie
I met with Binky
I took a bath
I ordered Boric Acid on the internets, because it is not available at local pharmacies/ hardware stores
I read some Infinite Jest
I read some Twyla Tharp
I did not get sick... yet

I don't want more stuff, really I don't. What I want is a few things that I can use for many years, like these:

Xmaslist

I took away an entire car full of STUFF never to be seen again yesterday. While the vast majority went to Goodwill (which was a bit of a madhouse due to the annual "glitter" sale), I did return home with nearly $300 in cash from books and CDs. And I don't feel like I'm missing anything. If anything, I feel richer. Isn't that strange?

Part of my apartment cleansing extravaganza is emptying out and sorting through every drawer, cupboard, closet, and other spaces I find to stow things, like under the bed. I'm making a personal goal of getting rid of about 1/3 of my stuff (though how will I tell, by weight??). So I'm giving away a lot of boring things like clothes that don't fit and a comforter I hate, and all but 3 throw pillows. But the more interesting objets I think are the ones that I'm either tossing out or setting aside to sell for money.

Tossing:

• My name tags from Kinko's & Tower Records (1990-92)
• little foam animals my first boyfriend gave me on our 2nd date
• some agates
• my entire collection of rocks
• a small green plastic sheep charm I've had since I was a child
• a brass shamrock with my name etched on it
• a clear lucite ball

• Uncle Phil's bakelite radio that I tried to give back to him but he would not take
• 1980 wonder woman action figure
• A bright green rotary-dial phone
• a 1990's reproduction of the original barbie
• 10 Imaginary Years - The Cure bio
• Rat Catching by Crispin Glover
• A maintenance manual for the 1985 Toyota Camry

I suppose you might call it Spring Cleaning, but I call it long overdue.  One of the great features of my apartment (apart from high ceilings, hardwood floors, loads of windows, a full-size bathtub, and an excellent location) is the ginormous walk-in closet.  It's an odd L-shape, cupped as it is around my smaller bathroom.  The main body of the closet extends back about 8 feet, with 10' ceilings, and then there's a little cubby about 2' square off to the right at the front.

Th primary closet-rod is about halfway back, with another behind it about 7' off the ground.  What this makes is a generous space to throw shit, out of sight and out of mind, behind the hanging clothes in the inaccessible part of the closet.  For three+ years I've been throwing empty boxes and any odd or end I wanted to keep but never see.  It had gotten to the point that the frontline closet detritus (shoes, bags, cleaning supplies) was beginning to creep forward and closing the door had become a bit of a challenge.  I bought a thingy at Ikea to store towels and linens and I had no choice but to make space for it... so into the depths of the closet I delved.

I knew I had a lot of memorabilia back there, including about 2 reams of letters from my friends in high school, but I had forgotten that I had also stored all of the bits and pieces of my childhood saved by my grandma as well.  One large box packed full of folders containing the likes of 4th grade essays.  I openly lack sentimentality, and I can't imagine what good she thought keeping every school report and drawing I made as a child would do anyone.  I had already thrown out the many locks of my hair she saved from haircuts, and yet somehow I still have a chalk handprint on a napkin made by 2 yr old me.

I come from a family of collectors.  The accumulation of nostalgia has surrounded me since birth, and perhaps it a form of self protection to lack sentimentality.  At the same time, though, I keep stuff.  Almost against my own will.  I have a kitchen cupboard that is packed with empty yogurt containers that might come in handy someday.  I accumulate books and shoes at an alarming rate.  I admire those who can live simply, and I aspire to that state of un-clutter.  Right now I still have some work to do.  However much I get rid of... it's never quite enough. 

Yesterday I was walking to meet a friend for tea and I walked through a couple of yard sales (in my neighborhood, for lack of yards, they usually take over sidewalks).  It struck me that I no longer have any desire for more stuff.  I'd like to replace some things (like my rug-from-hell), but for the most part I have more stuff than I really want.  I would rather get rid of stuff than get new stuff.

I haven't always felt this way.  Growing up poor I always had the sense that access to stuff - better clothes, newer toys, matching curtains and bed-spreads - would complete my life.  As a child I had no conception of the other important things I missed living in a dysfunctional family.  I really convinced myself that my sense of isolation in the world came from not having the right things.

As I grew up I focused a lot of my energy and money on trying to create an identity through my stuff. Shoes, clothes, music, books, knick knacks, furniture.  There is still a part of me trying to find the thing that will bring a sense of complete-ness.  Is it the right lipstick? A new camera? A piece of art? New boots?

All of those things have value, but they do not have the ability to make me satisfied with myself or my life.  Unfortunately that takes something much less tangible.

It is refreshing to be able to walk past a yard sale without any interest in finding some object to take home and fill more space with.  It's a relief to be able rid of the desire to spend days digging through record stores or clothing racks looking for something that's not there.  That's progress, anyway.