14 posts tagged “lists”

I decided to stay in Seattle for the holiday after much hemming and hawing and then more hemming and a little waffling. I feel bad about it. I would like to see most of my relatives, but not in conditions that are hostile to sanity. So I'll be spending a quiet week in (and out of) my quiet apartment. Here's what I plan to do:

• Catch up on laundry
• Read Proust, Rorty, and Murdoch
• Write my year/ decade - end lists, analyses, etc.
• Find some new music to listen to
• Clean the bird cage
• Vacuum
• Go to a movie (which one? dunno)
• Watch the 2 Netflix I've had for 6 weeks
• Re-order my Netfilx queue
• Send a holiday letter to my uncle Phil in Sweden
• Drink some brandy & eggnog
• Do yoga
• Sell some books
• Make a mix CD to give to friends
• Plan a quick trip to Portland next week
• Go to my ex-husband's xmas-eve punch party
• Go for a run or 3
• Make myself a nice meal
• Figure out what I'm doing with my life

Well, that last one may extend past this week...

This week's tasks for my various fall rejuvenation plans:

• clean floor in living room (which means picking up a lot of stuff, cleaning under birdcage...)
• buy fresh flowers
• start a style board/ notebook for decorating
• make a list of repairs needed in my apartment
• sit for 10 minutes in a place I never sit in my apartment
• set a decorating budget (aka $0)
• make a debt reduction spreadsheet with all current balances owed (I'll be posting about this later)
• bookmark sites for logging in to creditors to track balances (or add to mint)
• create a payment calendar
• make soup
  

I am going to take my little notebook down to Top Pot Doughnuts and consider my decolletage over a maple bar and an americano. Then perhaps I will stop by the Quality Food Center and Bailey Coy Books to lay in supplies for the 3 day weekend of reading, relaxing, organizing and writing.  Some things I may do include:

• Building the shelf cube from Ikea that is lying in pieces on my living room floor
• A good hot bath, including facial mask
• Laundering
• Transferring money around.
• Updating iPod, making some playlists/ comp CDs
• Bag o' CDs to Sonic Boom for credit
• Editing
• Yoga
• Sneezing
• Organizing my bird
• Finding pens
• Cooking
• Going out for sushi
• Vacuuming
• Moving things from here to there, and vice-versa
• Registering for writing classes
  

In the past 3 nights I have had 3 nice meals with 3 different women.  It beats dating! On Thursday Rosie, Lily & I will drive to Idaho for family fun.

goals, or whathaveyous:

• polish sample chapter for memoir submission
• dishes: wash them
• laundry: clean, folded, and stowed
• floors: de-crusted
• gym: twice
• yoga: one official class...

This week has been jam-packed with meetings and work crap, and in the evenings I've had very little inclination to do anything except eat, drink, and sleep.  Hopefully this weekend will be a bit rejuvenating...

Saturday:
9:00 yoga class
10:30 breakfast / morning pages
noon-3 more organizing
3-6 working on memoir
6pm-bedtime dinner & drinks with aunt rosie

Sunday:
Go to the gym
Get caught up on bills and email
Drive to ballard to visit my ex & my cat and walk around ballard with my camera
Go over my lists for the week & plan....

Tonight it's dishes, laundry, and a hot bath.

Now, to work.

So far I have:

• Had a haircut/ color.  It took three hours and cost approximately 1/3 of my rent.
• Was supposed to watch my friend's moving cube while it was unloaded to prevent theft, but by the time I was out of the salon it was already unloaded.
• Went to lunch with Binky at Vio's.
• Read the entirety of Donald Antrim's memoir.
• Finally cooked the giant scallops I had in my freezer. Yum.
• Finally watched Woody Allen's Interiors.
• Eaten some Bing cherries.
• Done laundry
• Sorted through dresser (again) to make room in drawers
• Matched my socks
  
• Worked on my memoir
• Taken out the recycling

Still on the list:

• prepare a couple of things I need to mail
• pack my gym bag
• empty and organize kitchen cupboards
• clean out fridge
• upload new cds
• put away laundry
• make a comp CD/ playlist of new music
• pay some bills
• vacuum and clean floors
• clean birdcage
• unclutter living room
• empty vacuum
• cook bird food
• spray for cockroaches
• hang screen for projector
• test projector location
• clean bathroom
• organize desk area

I'm a little nonplussed today.  My neck hurts.  I haven't been working on writing as much as I want to.  I'm having personal transitions that are difficult.  I don't want to look for work.  I went to a party in a bar last night and remembered why I don't go to bars anymore.  Not only is it boring when one isn't drinking, but it is depressing to watch drunk people when sober.  I need better social contexts.  But, life ain't all bad!

• I'm going to do STP (Seattle to Portland bike ride) in July with some friends, I think.  I don't want to make any promises yet, but I am definitely going to dust off Jaja (my bike) this week and start getting out for some longer rides.
• I've figured out that I can go to Europe in May (thanks unemployment!!).  I'm looking for flats to rent in Prague in Berlin.
• I may go to NYC in March with "the girls" - hotel is covered, I just have to work the airfare.
• I have a pile of books to read that will keep me occupied for months.
• Starting a yoga schedule on Monday.
• I'm going on a photo excursion with a new photographer friend soon.
• I took a writing class with Rick Moody and he liked my writing.
• My kitchen is clean!
• My laundry is clean!
• I am in a transitional time, and change is good.
  

Ok, so how do I stop being snarky, disinterested, and annoyed?  How did I get this way in the first place?  I think it has something to do with having these unrealistic expectations that I can do work that's rewarding, have relationships that are nourishing, exercise regularly without injuring myself, and that I dealt with so much emotional bullshit as a child that I should be exempt as and adult.  The last one really is unrealistic, but the others shouldn't be, right?

I don't like being serious.  Life is hilarious, as a general rule.  Being able to laugh during difficult times has saved me a lot of agony, but now it feels like everything's gone greyish.  The work that I do feels more like an inconvenience every day.  The paycheck is vital, but the vast quantities of completely useless stress are starting to wear me down.  I've developed a very thick, fire-resistant skin, but I'm also losing the urge to smile, ever.

According to some study (who does these studies, and why?), today, January 21, is the most miserable day of the year.  The xmas credit card bills show up and it somehow no longer seems worth it.  Resolutions have been broken.  Work is full swing.  Those of us who deal with seasonal affective disorder hit the end of tolerance for this particular season. The aisles are packed with Valentine's Day nonsense (which doesn't seem to please anyone, in or out of relationships). The vast expanse of a whole year seems to be contracting too quickly.

This seems to help sometimes - making a list of the good things in my life...

[this is good]

1. My parrot has taken to flying over to see me on the couch and letting me basically cuddle her. It's very cute.
2. This weekend's plans include an excursion to an abandoned (and purportedly haunted) mental asylum in Sedro Woolley!
3. I actually have some money to save and invest, for the first time since I was about 12.
4. I have an impressive queue of books to read, and reading is my favorite activity.
5. This working out at the gym business is working! and I feel sooo much better for it.
6. I am able to be car-free without feeling the least bit inconvenienced.
7. I have acquired some very comfortable pants.
8. iPod is chock full of good music.
9. thus far, my photo of the day endeavor is going well
10. I have a three week trip to Europe to plan.
11. Tax refund!
12. My back pain has gone back to my normal discomfort level
13. I am writing my way through my teen years and already feel better for it.
14. the iPhone is magical.

I usually do the year-end top-ten or twenty new records (and persist in calling them records though they are primarily ones and zeroes these days).  I scraped together the new music I've listened to this year and I can't find much that I think deserves to be top-tenned.  They are all runners up.

1. Blonde Redhead: 23
This may well be the one record that gets a number.  It's a dreamy record, and although dream-pop doesn't suit me everyday, there are some days that it's more refreshing than limeade in August.

• Low: Drums & Guns\Low fans generally don't like this overtly poppy and unusually positive record.  I've always found Low's sound a bit too melancholy for everyday listening, so I actually find Drums & Guns rather refreshing.  Still, it's not great enough for the top 10.
• Radiohead: In Rainbows\ Clever marketing aside, this record is just ok.  There are a couple of great tracks, but even those tracks don't beat OK Computer in my book.
• The Shins: Wincing the Night Away\ I'm sick of The Shins.  I'm also sick of Interpol, Arcade Fire, Franz Ferdinand, Art Brut, and The Arctic Monkeys, while I'm at it.
• Feist: The Reminder \ This is a nice record. Critically acclaimed. Extremely fucking boring.
• Amy Winehouse: Back to Black \ I'm glad she finally agreed to go to rehab.  I love the motown thang, but the hype got a bit big for its britches. Just not excessively great.
• Cinerama: The Complete Peel Sessions \ I would like to give this a number, but I had already heard all the songs three years ago. Cinerama (Wedding Present side project) holds a special place in my heart for numerous reasons.
• Justice: The Cross \ Ah, French disco.  Excellent dance music, but not really something to write home about.
• Tiny Vipers: Hands Across the Void \ This is a quite nice record. Not sticking, but I think quite good.
• Jose Gonzales: In Our Nature \ Jose deserves the hype, but this is just not up to the songwriting of Veneer.
• PJ Harvey: White Chalk \ OK, this is really close to getting a number 2.  It's a new sound for PJ, with traces of old-school Phil Specter production values.  It's just so grim.

Please, tell me what I've missed this year.

• Intimacy and Solitude. I'm reading a book and doing some personal research on this subject.  Yes it is a single subject.  The most important intimate relationship we have is with ourselves, and from the strength of that relationship it is possible to form intimate bonds with others without expecting them to be our emotional backbone for us.  Expect more on this subject when I've had time to ruminate.
• Intimacy.  I'm focusing on what is working in my relationship(s) now rather than demanding things that aren't there or don't work.  I'm trying to learn not to let my sense of self-worth come from others, and what I think they think or don't think of me.  I could give you a lengthy self-psychoanalysis here, involving early childhood abandonment issues and insecurities that are more instinctive than reasonable, but that would take a while.  Let's just say that I've figured out what works for now, and it is working.
• No work this week!  We decided to close the office, and though I am working from home, I don't have much to do but respond to a few emails.  It's a pleasant break.  I should be doing laundry right now.
• Thanksgiving with Aunt Rosie. I'm mostly looking forward to spending time with my cousin's little girl, Emery.  There's a baby, too, but babies don't start to get interesting until about 18 months.  I have not a single drop of desire to fondle and coo at other people's babies.  Not one.
• Friday will be my 36th birthday.  Some people will be getting together at Cafe Presse for drinks/ dinner/ dessert.  Nothing too raucous.  Hello mid-late or late-mid thirties.
• I'm renting a car this weekend and going somewhere Saturday/ Sunday.  Maybe Portland.
  
• My therapist is so proud of me.  She cannot believe the ground I've covered in a year since I was just getting ready to stop drinking.  I feel much much better than I did a year ago.
• I've been working on a humorous childhood memoir that I hope to have complete in draft form by the summer.  I've finally admitted that writing is what I want to do.  I'm not looking forward to the grueling persistence it takes to make a living writing, but... there you have it.
• Besides writing, I am pondering creative pursuits in film and visual arts.  Not exactly clear what those pursuits will be, but I'm getting excited about creative possibilities again.  Finally. I have to admit this probably has something to do with taking anti-depressants. Depression is such a huge energy drain there's nothing left for creativity.