A local favorite of mine:
I am now close to 20K words on the childhood memoir I have been plugging away at for the last six months or so. I want to keep going, to finish, but I am struggling with why I want to do this. What is the backbone of the narrative? It's not really about me, it's about growing up ("coming of age" if you must) at a specific place and time, surrounded by eccentric characters and a schizophrenic mother. If it's about anything, it's about the experience of living with mental illness. For me, this is just a somewhat disturbing, but basically mundane reality. For potential readers it may bring some understanding about mental illness. I believe that our culture ostracizes the mentally ill to a detrimental degree. People often see psychotic behavior as the fault of the mentally ill person, and not merely a symptom that can and should be treated.
So, would putting my mom out there as the human face of mental illness help to generate understanding? Perhaps it should morph into one of those "semi-autobiographical" works of fiction to depersonalize it a bit and give myself more room to play with the story. On the other hand it may have more power as a recounting of actual events. I'm not sure. Right now, I am trying to put it all down on paper... then I will begin to mold it into its final form. I just hope it does not turn out to be an exercise in self-indulgence. Everyone has stories... is mine really worth elevating to literature? I guess we'll find out.
Hmm. Folk?
I used to dislike fairport convention, but they have grown on me.
Getting closer.
Unlovable:
- Reverting to Winter
- Working full days
- Meetings
- Walking up hills
- Not eating donuts or cake or chocolate
- When the gym is full and I have to work out near grunty guy
- Breathing in car exhaust
- The new 5 dollar bill is embarrassing. We are a nation of shitty design.
- The cost of prescription medications
Lovable:
- Making mad change. I mean bucks
- Walking as transportation
- Gantt charts
- Greek food
- Jazz
- Writing
- Working amongst people who like what they do
- Beckett on Film
- Being un-sick
- My Peace Lily is blooming.
Infectious, this one.
Sunday evening is such a melancholy time...
I'm stealing this quote from Jane's Goodreads page (hi Jane!):
"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." — Albert Einstein
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much more connected we are to one-another, to nature, and to the air we breathe than it is easy to see from our little isolation pods.
Think about this: take any object or food item or article of clothing and figure out what it is made of. What are the raw materials used to make this thing (including its packaging)? How and where are those resources extracted from the earth? Who extracts them and what is life like for those people? Are there bi-products created in the process? Are other natural resources (like water) needed from elsewhere to facilitate this? How are the raw materials processed and combined to make the final product and who does this? How is it distributed and who does this?
Even a brief exploration will reveal a vast web of people, resources, and money needed to create and distribute a single thing. Even something as seemingly simple as a wood table needs lumberjacks, mills, glue manufacturers, varnish and paint manufacturers (extracting pigments, etc), manufacturing of tools like saws and drills and screws. That's a lot of people, even if the table was built by only one person.
So simply by living and wearing clothes and using furniture and eating we participate in a complex global economy that touches the lives of people all over the world. Does this participation support the continued demand for quasi-slaves in poor countries? Does it increase pollution and carcinogens in the environment? Does it support profits for unethical corporations? Yes, probably.
I shop at Target sometimes, and I usually walk out with $100 worth of "stuff" and some good ol' liberal guilt for buying cheap goods manufactured using questionable ethics, probably somewhere in the environmental time-bomb called China. I refuse to shop at Walmart, but I know people who do and don't think of them as bad people. They need to stretch their dollar. Walmart is cheap.
Does it matter? Are we causing global warming? Isn't the industry good for poor countries? Maybe we're not causing global warming, but it is proven that high levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere equates to higher temperatures. All over the world we have been experiencing record high temperatures (up to 125F in places) in the summer and totally bizarre weather patterns all year. Stronger hurricanes. Droughts. Floods. Climate change is obvious to anyone paying attention, and even if we are not the cause we have the opportunity to slow it down. To take advantage of this opportunity we must stop participating in the way we have been. In the US more than anywhere. There are lots of changes anyone can make, small and large, and they add up.
In order to make these changes we must first become aware that every individual is part of the web. No one is off the hook, and if someone is homeless because of floods or abused in a sweatshop it is not their problem. It is our problem. And it's one I like to believe we can solve. We're not stupid enough to continue as we have been. Here are just a few practical changes most people could make if they haven't already:
- If you can live without a car, do so. There are car sharing programs, rental cars, public transportation, bicycles, feet, and friends or family with cars you can borrow. It's not practical for everyone now, but in a few years driving may not be affordable for most people and it is better to look for solutions now than to continue to nurture auto-dependency. If you do drive, go easy on the gas. There's no need to rush.
- Live in a community. Nobody likes to move, but if you find yourself with the necessity use it as an opportunity to find a place where you can walk to the grocery store, cafe, drug store, and hopefully work. Help build urban communities. Help build rural communities. Help turn suburbs into villages. Become a member of the community and step out of your isolation pod.
- Shop local. Avoid the big box mega stores and try not to buy anything that was shipped from more than 1000 miles away. Visit the farmer's market or look into organic produce delivery. Buy bulk foods instead of packaged foods.
- Use less electricity. Switch a few light bulbs to compact fluorescents (Australia is already putting a ban on incandescent bulbs). Turn off the lights when you leave the room. Turn down the heat. Turn down the AC. Unplug your phone and laptop chargers when you're not charging.
- Support carbon offset programs. Buy green power if you have the option.
- Bathe less often. I know, I know. You're not a hippie. Neither am I, but I've found that I can wash my hair a couple of times a week and limit my showers to a few minutes most of the time. I even skip a day here and there. I don't feel deprived in any way... and I get out the door faster.
- Wash clothes in cold. I have been doing this for about 2 years and I have noticed no difference in the outcome whatsoever.
- Recycle recycle. And compost.
- Buy recycled clothes. I find quite nice things at my local clothes recycling shop, consignment shops, and even thrift stores. There's no shame in it. If you buy new make sure it was manufactured in a country with sound environmental and labor laws.
It works best if we all do it, but even if only some of us do some of it... we could make a big difference in carbon emissions and help stabilize the climate and shift the economic structure. Also, if you haven't seen it, watch Manufactured Landscapes.
Monday I start work again, so this weekend it's time to get my shizzle in order. Here's a song for Spring:
