I'm an artist. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am.
My genes are killing me (and my jeans are kinda tight too... whatsup donuts?). Yes, I believe I am fundamentally and genetically a "creative type." All personality/ interest/ career tests seem to agree with me (though questions like "would you rather conduct an orchestra or work on an assembly line?" are surely biased).
I knew this in high school when I decided to enroll in art school instead of "real" college. Art school subsequently cured me of any notions that I could make money making art. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bad at graphic design and even my commercial illustration is not half-shabby. But commercial art isn't art and fine art (I have always felt) is out of my league. I couldn't do it because I did not want to be an unappreciated production artist and I did not have the temperment or the talent or the social skills to break into "real" art. So I got a job at Kinko's, like most Art Institute graduates. Ironically, I learned more about using Macs at Kinko's than I did in art school.
I was only 20 when I finished art school. Since then I followed a career path that led me further and further from art. First it was an office job at Fantagraphics (a creative place to work, no doubt, but my job was order entry, subscription fulfillment, and managing the punks who answered phones). In a desperate move to stop working for insane people for $7/hour I took another office job in my neighborhood for a bit more money. Accounts Payable Manager. I was good at that job and everyone loved me, even though I felt like an alien in a marine electronics store. And I hated it. The paperwork, the phone calls from Raytheon - to whom we owed $1,000,000 that never seemed to decrease (and they make cruise missiles), the account reconciliation... it all worked like pouring lead into my soul.
I realized that I was raised with the "you're lucky to have a decent job so what are you whining about" mentality. Even my mom, a lunatic artist and eccentric hippy, cannot see why I would ever quit any job unless they start chopping off my limbs or stop paying me. Appreciate what you have. Be here now. Well fine, but that seems to lead to inertia and much personal distress in some cases.
After the personal low of Accounts Payable Manager I continued to do administrative work, but for more creative companies, and now I work for an agency with the word "creative" in its name. I haven't finished a painting in 15 years (except a little pastoral house portrait I did for my ex-inlaws - lovely but not really an artistic effort).
Earlier this week, in a "what am I doing with my life" funk I took one of those career-interest-surveys and Fine Arts ranked highest (note: not graphic arts, but fine arts), then writing & journalism, then teaching. That reminded me that art is indeed very important to some part of me, no matter how much I tend to deny it. Yesterday I was talking to an artistic friend about taking up painting again, and 10 minutes later I received a message from someone who had seen an old painting I have buried on Myspace and wanted to know if I have work for sale... That has never happened before.
This has all certainly given me something to think about, though I'm still skeptical that art and career are two words I'm willing to use in the same sentence.
Comments
well then you might want to start practicing saying them. this seems to be important to you and i think you should follow your heart. you'll find a way to make money.
The difference between either is that the former does not allow a particular medium - words, paint, music, film, etc - to define who s/he is or allow these mediums to confine ones artistic/human development. The second mistakes the medium for the means via which s/he may express herself and her view of reality. Any particular medium, if one fixates on it, underdevelops oneself. A medium is not only a means via which the artist expresses her/imself. In fact, an artist simultaneously becomes the medium via which a particular artistic medium expresses itself.
Every medium teaches us to see things from a particular angle. Thus, to become adept at various mediums is to become adept at viewing reality from different angles. No one medium affords us such an opportunity to develop ourselves. S/he who realises this thus takes the first step from becoming an Artist by Medium to an Artist of the Generic Order.
Just a thought....Kitty.
How about calling yourself a 'career artist' then. That could mean that you make a career out of art and and life - whether it translates to dollars and cents or not.
with you, kitty. oh, our funkiness is much in sync this week. last week I made a pact with evilwombatqueen to set deadlines together for downright creative production, of any scale, and I have yet to step up. last night i cast a sad glance at my art table which is literally gathering dust. something's gotta give. probably video rentals and frittering time spent online. tho the connections I find here really do enrich my experience. so. I'm left with trying to be a little easier on myself, not lumping it all together and saying it's this or it's that, but rather trying to meet it where it lies right this moment. which is way not the perspective our culture is adept at.
Kitty this is a great post and I swear our moms were cast from the same mold. One of my mom's favorites is be here now. I have the book, but it's not the same when my mom is saying it to me. Neither of my parents "get" that having a well-paying job that destroys your soul is worse than having 1 or 2 low-paying jobs that enrich it. They are so enamoured with the health benefits and security of the paycheck - that it seems more important to them than my happiness. However I recently enrolled in the GD program at AI, and they were over the moon. I try to look upon their reactions with detached amusement.
Sidenote - when I interviewed for my current well-paying office job, I mentioned that my background was in art, not science. I swear this sealed the deal. The scientists were so impressed that I had any artistic inclination.
I think if you have the bent and ability, you should do it. I think artists are the greatest people on earth.